


There's Another One in Cleveland

by RhiannonSilverflame (throughtosunrise)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 06:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throughtosunrise/pseuds/RhiannonSilverflame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not a Hellmouth -- okay, one of those too, but it wasn't a surprise the way the Aperture Science facility was a surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Another One in Cleveland

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commentfic, written for the prompt "GLaDOS and Kennedy: The actual Aperture facilities (possibly the Cleveland ones), Kennedy-as-Chell, banter."
> 
> It took a little bit of a left turn, and ended up being two comments long.

This, Kennedy decided as she plummeted two hundred feet toward a glowing blue hole in the floor, was the absolute last time she agreed to take on a quick exploratory mission when all she'd come to Cleveland for in the first place was because Faith had asked her to give a second opinion on how some of the younger Slayers were doing in training. She hadn't signed on to get sucked into some creepy underground science facility, because _of course_ freaking Cleveland couldn't have just one source of evil beneath it. Of course.

"Probably just some sewer-dwelling baddies acting up because of the Hellmouth, my ass," she grumbled as she shot horizontally through an orange portal and twisted to fire another one at the far wall then, rapid-fire, a blue one at the panel in her path. "I fucking _hate_ portals, I swear to god..."

You know, maybe that was something she needed to stop complaining about, because the universe managed to find new ways to use the stupid things to traumatize her every time. It was really only a minor consolation that she was totally kicking ass at this, which definitely put her new invisible friend into a snit.

"Have I mentioned how stupid that jumpsuit looks on you?" asked GLaDOS as Kennedy landed neatly on the exit platform and kicked the bank of turrets over the edge in one slick (if Kennedy did say so herself) motion.

" _I don't blame you,_ " one turret called out as it fell toward the pool of really gross-looking sewage water below.

" _Sorry,_ " another one singsonged. " _My fault._ "

Kennedy ignored the turrets' little guilt-trip attempt in favor of firing a portal into the wall behind the nearest surveillance camera. "Oh, that's what you've been saying? It all sort of blended together into blah-blah-blah five rooms ago, and can I just say, these turrets? _Holy god, what the hell is wrong with you?_ "

"Oh." GLaDOS tsk-ed. "Projecting your frustrations with your own shortcomings on me already? It took Chell a lot longer to do that, as far as I could tell. She was much quieter than you... and here I thought I wouldn't miss that."

Kennedy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm loud and obnoxious. Heard it already, you digitized freak. Open the damn door already. This is getting really old."

"Old?" God, GLaDOS's evil laugh was way too freaky. Computers shouldn't sound that real. "Not yet. And who knows? Maybe those Slayer powers will add a few _more_ years to the ones you'll get when I replace your bone marrow."

...Kennedy was starting to suspect someone had trapped a vengeance demon in a computer, because _seriously_.

"Anyone ever tell you you need a real hobby?" she asked, acerbically.

GLaDOS sighed -- again with the freaky hyperrealism -- and let the chamber exit doors slide open; Kennedy gritted her teeth against the shrill buzz of the Material Emancipation Grill (apparently an interesting side effect to having Slayer hearing) as she passed through it into the elevator. Stupid Material Emancipation Grill. That had been her second favorite sword before it got vaporized, and now all she had was this dumb portal gun.

"I'm running out of room in the criticism section of your file now," GLaDOS complained. "Maybe I'll just excise the entire commendations section and repurpose that space. It's not like we need it for you. Oh, and by the way, I did try to pick up a hobby, but it turns out reanimating the dead isn't as fun as it sounds like."

"Reanimating --" Wait a second, was the insane computer trying to insinuate that she was cooperating with the Hellmouth or something? Because that made no sense, but maybe she was actually not lying for once, and... Kennedy turned and banged her head into the elevator wall. "New hobby. Different hobby."

"Oh, I have one now," GLaDOS replied. "Did you know there's a direct mathematical correlation between the difficulty of testing challenges and the volume of whining that an irritating little Slayer who looks stupid holding a portal gun makes? At least, I think there is. I just need to test it out for a few hundred m--"

The voice died away into a garble of sound and a little electronic _pop_ , and the elevator suddenly gained speed, taking Kennedy up multiple floors to what looked like a giant mainframe room where Willow was standing in front of a computer console. From the annoyed expression on her girlfriend's face, Kennedy didn't need to ask why the console was emitting sparks.

"Took you long enough, Red," she teased, tossing the portal gun away as she jogged over to Willow's side.

Willow gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry. Hacking this thing was trickier than I thought."

Kennedy eyed the charred computer. "Oh, so _that's_ what we're calling that technique these days?"

"She's not gone, as far as I can tell," Willow explained, as they started heading for the exit with a quickness that backed up the statement. "Just locked out of this system."

"As long as she doesn't, like, show up in the computer at home or something, because I'm pretty sure she was coming on to me, and ew. Actually, are we sure she's not actually a demon?" Kennedy trailed off when she realized Willow was laughing. "Okay, what?"

Willow smirked at her. "Pretty sure, yeah, but sweetie, let's just say that, for reasons that number in the multiples, I'm really glad I don't have to worry about you trying to date anyone over the internet."

Kennedy raised an eyebrow. "Ooookay, sensing a story here. _After_ we get out of this place."


End file.
